[00:00:00] Deanna: Welcome and thank you for joining us today. It is my honor and delight to get to introduce you to today's guest. Her story is a story of perseverance and choosing kindness even in the most challenging times, and I know that it is going to inspire you as it has inspired me. Ganjana, welcome. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[00:00:24] Deanna: We have talked about the honor and joy to get to do this together, and here we are finally.
[00:00:30] Ganjana: Uh, thank you Deanna. I, those scary. I really appreciate that. You thought of me as an inspiration for this podcast. Thank you.
[00:00:39] Deanna: You're so welcome. I think many of the people who have already heard your story are parts of your story, have been inspired by your choice to choose kindness and choose positivity, even in the face of challenging times.
[00:00:51] Deanna: So, Ganjana, every, every story has a beginning. Do you wanna start at the beginning for us?
[00:00:57] Ganjana: How much time do you have?
[00:01:01] Deanna: We are so excited to hear it all.
[00:01:03] Ganjana: Well, the people from members of Growing Kindness that know me, they know about some of my challenges about anxiety and how hard it is to be with people, you know, interact. But I think it just showed up at birth because I was two months born, two months early as a twin.
[00:01:26] Ganjana: Okay. And the doctor said, I'm not gonna make it. And then, you know, being in the incubator for a couple months, they said, okay, she might make it, but she won't thrive. And without knowing language, I, my heart believe that. So I'm like, okay, I'm never gonna thrive. I'm never, I would barely make it if they do at all.
[00:01:52] Ganjana: I always struggled because when you're. In the neonatal cure and all the lights, the beeps, the noise. I'm very sensitive to noise and lights. That's why I always wear a hat because like this light now, artificial light, I'm, I'm fine with sunlight and I'm great with sunlight. So this is, uh, my protective gear.
[00:02:15] Ganjana: I can't have these harsh, even though it's like 60 watt, it still hurts me and I'm just always like stressed about. Well, how much light is there gonna be? How much noise is there gonna be? How many people are there gonna be? And I could not really show up to what I wanted. You know, like going into the grocery stores, like I'm a mess and I couldn't do normal things, you know, a lot of the time.
[00:02:43] Ganjana: But somehow I kept going. And so I was born in America. And then at age six I family. Just my mom and my twin and I moved to Thailand 'cause my dad's Thai. That was like, I didn't know the language and you know, even though I finished first grade here, I had to go back to kindergarten. And so we were taller.
[00:03:10] Ganjana: We know, we're like way different. We didn't speak the language. They laughed at us and it was just hard somehow just being just dumped into the school. Environment. Okay. We got the language, you know, and my family on my dad's side, uh, they're rice farmers. If you eat Thai rice, Thai, jasmine rice, think of my family because they might have grown it.
[00:03:38] Ganjana: So every school summer break, you know, from April to whatever, three months, we would be shipped on overnight train to go to the village on the, and they don't speak Thai, so they speak Lao. So I'm like, what is this other language I have to figure out? And there was no electricity, no running water. Kitchen was outdoors to cook anything.
[00:04:03] Ganjana: You had to light a charcoal, little tiny charcoal thing to cook anything. And I'm like, it was just like very strange to have that experience. I used to feel like, oh, this is kind of like. A hardship, right? Over time, I didn't realize how much I would appreciate that I had culture. I had immersion into, you know, like mom and dad were busy, so they just.
[00:04:36] Ganjana: Put us on a overnight train. The two of us seven years old, we just go overnight to uh, you know, like it was a overnight train, so it was far right on the border there. But we had free range. We just were kids and we would just take a bus to the river, like there was no supervision of any kind, you know?
[00:04:57] Ganjana: And it was really great actually that we got that experience. And I loved being my cousins, my. In the rice field with the water buffalo and this like. Do you wanna ride a water buffalo? I'm like, sure. You know, and water buffalos are huge, you know, and my legs dangle on this side, you know, it's like bigger than a horse.
[00:05:19] Ganjana: Right. Anyway,
[00:05:21] Deanna: you're, this is, I think it's really, your story is so dynamic from the very first days of your life, and there's so much, I think that we, we are our stories and so it all, it all weaves together to make us who we are today.
[00:05:38] Ganjana: I don't remember growing up in America for six years. I don't really remember that.
[00:05:43] Ganjana: So just being dumped into this new country, new language, two new languages, and I'm like, whoa, this is weird. We went, you know, to a Thai school, and Thailand is a Buddhism country, right? So we had to learn meditation. Like in, I think starting first grade, we just learned to meditate, be mindful, and be caring of elders.
[00:06:07] Ganjana: So like. If you go on a bus and you see someone that either, you know, they're like, oh, this is kind of hard standing on the bus, you know, holding the rail. Right. And it's usually standing room only. So the younger people would give up their seat. For an elder that's a, a given. And that kind of instilled in me as something you just know to do.
[00:06:32] Ganjana: Right. And I think my mom was like the kindest person. And I just learned by observation, you know, I was a horrible student. It was just like so hard that the, you know, they just like push you into like math and physics and all this stuff, and I'm like, I don't, I'm not interested in that. I not into that.
[00:06:58] Ganjana: And so, and I was so, so shut down. I think from trauma, from being born so early. I, I couldn't learn anything, so I'm like, I didn't completely fail, but I was really close to it and I just thought, oh, I'm just a horrible student. I can't learn anything. And it, but I was so shut down to protect myself. I just had this.
[00:07:24] Ganjana: Armor around me.
[00:07:26] Deanna: Your story. I know, I know. Because we, even if you haven't had ex like, you know, panic attacks, social anxiety, but like anyone who's listening, who, even if you haven't experienced that level, you know, like anxiety is something that is on a continuum. And so it resonates with everybody to know, like we all know, you know that feeling.
[00:07:46] Deanna: I think that even if anyone was listening today. And had never experienced anxiety to the point where it was crippling. I think we all can resonate and understand the feeling of anxiousness and fear, keeping us from being able to enter into rooms and enter into connections. Like, we would like to, so for you as a young child, this was something that didn't go away.
[00:08:13] Deanna: It, it continued with you and carried with you, even with the help of having mindfulness practices. It, it sounds like in, in the parts of your story that I'm familiar with, it wasn't like there was a resource or a support to help recognize at that point that you are struggling. So this struggle continued for you on into your teen years and, and how did that unfold for you?
[00:08:34] Ganjana: For decades after my teen years. I'm not gonna say how old I am. I'm just saying decades after my teen years.
[00:08:41] Deanna: Sure, sure. So as, as you grew from a young child and were struggling with school and struggling to know how to feel safe in the environments that you were showing up with, you know, that continued through and into, into your teen years, and then what was growing up for you as a teenager, like struggling with that and what came next in that season for you?
[00:09:01] Ganjana: Okay. Well, I have to say I never. Felt safe ever. Every day. It was just like being scared, like so scared that I just don't know how I would get through a day. I think the moment as a teen that really was life changing was my mom got sick, she had cancer, and they misdiagnosed her. They said she had something else.
[00:09:25] Ganjana: And, you know, we just like, okay, we keep going to school, we just keep going to school. Then she was in the hospital for a while and she later told me that it was, uh, I'm not gonna say this word, but meta and like, oh, what is that? And she's like, well, I have to go to America to get treatment. Like, are we going with you?
[00:09:48] Ganjana: Or, I have a couple months left of high school, left before we graduate. And she said, yeah, stay graduate. I'm, I'm just gonna go. And she was directly admitted to a hospital here. So the two of us were just trying to finish school. We couldn't concentrate even harder than I could only, you know, already concentrate.
[00:10:09] Ganjana: And we're like, okay, well can I continue and keep going in Thailand education is like the most important thing you can do. But then we get a telegram saying, get a plane ticket and come to America. And I'm like, how do I buy a plane ticket? And she said, also, get a transcript. So I'm like, what is a transcript?
[00:10:30] Ganjana: I English, I didn't have enough English, so I went to the principal at the high school and I said, could you help with this? And my mom was really sick. And so she said, oh, a transcript is just like what? Courses you learn so they can translate when you, you know, go to school there. And I'm like, oh, okay. So she translated it, you know, for us and two of us.
[00:10:57] Ganjana: Get on a plane.
[00:10:58] Deanna: How old were you at this point?
[00:11:00] Ganjana: We were teenagers about 17.
[00:11:02] Deanna: Wow. I, I can't even, I can't even fathom navigating through not only, you know, all your previous experience with anxiety, then couple with, with the experience of your mom being so ill and then not having the parent with you. You guys were on your own.
[00:11:20] Deanna: You put yourselves on a plane. Traveled across the ocean.
[00:11:24] Ganjana: Yeah. And,
[00:11:25] Deanna: and came to the us. I, I don't
[00:11:26] Ganjana: even remember. I just blanket all out and dissociate. I'm easily just dissociate all the, that stuff.
[00:11:34] Deanna: Sure.
[00:11:35] Ganjana: So we get to Sea Tac and the plane was laid and it was every, we were the last two bored 'cause we were so scared to get off the plane.
[00:11:45] Ganjana: Just like America, like, I can't remember America. I dunno what this is gonna be like. We get off the plane, we don't know where to look for like, is mom gonna pick us up? Is,
[00:11:56] Deanna: and this was prior to cell phone, so it wasn't like you were like, oh, we'll be able to be in touch with someone. You're literally just dropped in the middle of an entirely new experience.
[00:12:07] Ganjana: So I remember walking down the stairs and I'm like, well, how do we get the luggage? And we had one suitcase. That's it. That's all we could take. That was it. We had to leave everything. I had to leave me. Lovely cat. Uh, in high school we were together. Like they just put you in the same class for the three years of ninth, 10th, 11th, whatever, four years.
[00:12:29] Ganjana: Right. We can't count. You know, they held a circle around us to say goodbye. Everybody was crying and I'm like, how am I going to leave you? And I just couldn't imagine leaving my group of friends. So anyway, we walked down the stairs and you know, and they have this whatever shuttle to go get baggage claim.
[00:12:50] Ganjana: I didn't know what baggage claim meant. And at the far, far corner I see a woman in a wheelchair. So my sister and I is like, could that be her? 'cause she lost half her body weight. I did not recognize she didn't have any hair. And I'm like, is that her? And I was afraid we went up, you know, to see was that her?
[00:13:11] Ganjana: It was her. But I didn't recognize her. She was just so skinny and, and I was afraid if I hugged her I would break her. So I held her hand and, um, she was staying on a couch with, at her friends that used to work in Thailand with her. They didn't know where to host us. Right. The, uh, woman's friend said, well, I have an extra bedroom.
[00:13:35] Ganjana: And it was the same apartment building. And I never seen a washing machine in my life. So one time like she said, can you do the laundry? And I'm like, no, we do it by hand. Right? We just have a big old thing bin and we just wash by hand. And she said, can you do a laundry? I'm like, well, how do you do it? I don't see anything.
[00:13:56] Ganjana: She said, go down to the basement. There's washing machines. So we go down to the basement, we're like, Hmm, okay, this is a box. You what? Clothes in? And then it gets done. And there's all these buttons. I, I didn't know anything. And then the manager came down and said, who are you staying with? So I told the name and he said, are you one of those refugees?
[00:14:19] Ganjana: And we were like, yeah, no. And I'm like, uh, no. And so we scurried back up, left the laundry, you know, down there. We were just shaking, like scared, scared, scared. Like in America, it was so weird because you can turn on the faucet, there's hot water coming out. Like you can drink the water from the tap. You don't have to boil it first.
[00:14:43] Ganjana: It was just so weird. You can turn a knob on the wall and the heat come out. When we got here, it was like 60, I remember 62 degrees. We were huddled together. We were so cold. We didn't know about this knob on the wall. You can make it warm in the room. It was so weird. Anyway, and a month later she died.
[00:15:05] Deanna: Oh gosh,
[00:15:05] Ganjana: Anna, in America, they'd say like a rug was pulled out from under you.
[00:15:10] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
[00:15:10] Ganjana: It wasn't just a rug pulled out from under you. My hearts were shredded and ripped out and then stomped on just completely like, oh, now what? Like how am I going to go on without her? I could not imagine how I would go on Having a twin is a great thing because you go through it together and I was very fortunate, you know, to have a twin.
[00:15:35] Ganjana: And so her friend that we were staying with after a while, because we were so broken, she said for us to move out because she was afraid that she would come home to two dead bodies. She was worried that we were gonna kill ourselves, so. By then, I think 18, we had to figure out how to rent an apartment. We got, the school helped us get some jobs and you know, like we were in 12th grade, but because we didn't know English, American history civics, which, you know, I don't care about all that.
[00:16:07] Ganjana: We had to go back to ninth grade to get English. And so by then we were like so much older than everybody else. What we learned was that in America. School is so easy. We graduated top 2%. Like, and I, I was like, mom, I really, really wish I could show you my report card. I, I did it. I'm actually okay. You know, like I, you know, I wasn't this horrible student.
[00:16:36] Ganjana: But anyway, so it was a struggle after that for so many, so many years of trying to figure out everything life, you know, like. Then I met the super kindest woman, Holly, that you know, she just took us under her wings 'cause she saw these two broken kids. We weren't eating, we just lived on coffee. She's a great cook.
[00:17:01] Ganjana: So she's like, every weekend we would go over to her place and she would cook meals and show us what real food, you know, here in America is like, not just coffee, she's an artist. So she said, here's. Paper and you know, just, just start drawing or whatever. And I'm like, paper. Um, if I don't do well, then I would waste the paper.
[00:17:28] Ganjana: And she said, I have plenty of paper, but in Thailand it's so precious, the paper. So you know, you write this tiny, tiny script to save paper, right? And she said, no, no, no. I have plenty. Just draw doodle, whatever. So now I'm an artist. And my twin's a great artist too. And over time I learned to cook according to my neighbors and friends.
[00:17:50] Ganjana: I make better Thai food than restaurants. So,
[00:17:54] Deanna: hey, you what a full what? A full circle moment. So. Yeah, I would love to skip forward just a little bit in your story. Um, so Holly came into your life and you've finally had this person who was nurturing you and supporting you. Did you find that you were able to move through?
[00:18:17] Deanna: The grief that you were experiencing and the anxiety and, and settling, no, not settling. I mean your new culture, new language. What happened next?
[00:18:27] Ganjana: She keeps reminding me that I had good times. Let's see. I just held on to the hard times. I could not remember the good times and slowly, I'm remembering good times.
[00:18:37] Ganjana: Okay, the art, you know, and getting good meals and you know, that kind of thing. But we just saw her on the weekend and we would stay overnight one night and then go back to our apartment because my brokenness, the therapist group or whatever the agency was, they wanted to like, lock me up, send me away.
[00:18:58] Ganjana: And Holly said, how is that going to help at all? So Holly said, no, we will find a place to live together. And I thought, okay, how am I going to do that? But we figured it out. We found a place together. Everybody wrote me off. No matter what. They just said, you're too difficult. You're too hard to deal.
[00:19:18] Ganjana: Meaning like I was so broken that they just thought, well, let's like send you away somewhere. And I'm like, I, no. And Holly just stood up and said, no, that's, that's not a good place. That I could ever thrive. Then to move on was that after a while apartment building got sold and they raised the rent, like can't remember, $600 and we couldn't afford it.
[00:19:45] Ganjana: So her friend and was my friend too. He said, well, I have, you know, 13 acres. It's a farm. Nothing growing except, you know, he had a walnut, like a hundred walnut trees and fruit trees and stuff. Why don't you move there to get a RV or something? So we did that and we stayed there for like three years and that's when I came into growing Kindness project.
[00:20:09] Ganjana: 'cause pretty remote. I didn't know anybody. The neighbors hated us thinking we were like taking advantage of him, but he invited us there and to take care of him at Case he had some health challenges. He was, uh, older and I was very, very afraid of everything still. And I thought. You know, but there's all this new stuff.
[00:20:33] Ganjana: I, you know, haven't been on an actual like farm that, and there was all these plants. So, um, I thought, I wanna know what these plants are. So I took a forging class and it was, uh, up here and scared to death and I just kind of like had my hat, I have my blinders on, I'm just gonna see what plants that I could eat and forage and stuff.
[00:20:56] Ganjana: And we had to cook a meal together. I was at a huge chop chopping block and we were chopping dandelion roots to make dandelion coffee for the meal. And this, uh, woman who can make a friend with a post, and I guess I was the post. So we were sharing the cutting board and she just chit chatted like, and I just felt, oh, nice.
[00:21:20] Ganjana: I actually could converse with someone, you know. She's my best friend now, and now we share a wall in the apartment building and it's just a beautiful, uh, connection. So then after that I thought, oh, community, I, I think I could, I wanna connect with people. Maybe I got a little bit braver. So then I, it was like a Christmas serve at the food bank, but I, I wanted to see like, could I get a ham or something?
[00:21:51] Ganjana: Because they said, that's in the box. That's what you would get. And I haven't had ham in how many years. So I signed up to receive food, but I didn't wanna just get, I wanted to give, so I volunteered at the Christmas soup and I called him, I said, I need to be like way hidden somewhere. Just put me whatever I can do in the back.
[00:22:11] Ganjana: So I did that. The husband of the owner, which, uh, you, you know her right? Because that's the, where you did the holiday cheer, you know, all the little. What, 700 bouquets? Yeah. Yeah. I'll, I'll
[00:22:24] Deanna: share for anyone's, uh, this part of this story is new for anybody. So every year for the last, I believe we're going into seven or eight years, um, as a part of our growing kindness mission, we have delivered, I think that year.
[00:22:40] Deanna: Was like 500 arrangements so that any person coming to the food bank to receive food as support, especially during the holiday season, would also receive this little bit of beauty and reminder that they deserved. The beauty of the holiday season as well. Um, we delivered these arrangements so that they could be gifted to each of, um, each of the, um, guests at the food bank who were there to receive resources.
[00:23:11] Deanna: So that kind of brings us to where, you know, your path crossed with growing kindness.
[00:23:17] Ganjana: After, you know, putting all the shopping cart away and every, you know, putting everything back. So I was the last person to receive food that day and they said, don't forget to get your holiday cheer. And I'm like, what do you mean holiday cheer?
[00:23:32] Ganjana: And she's over there, you know? So I looked at him and I just started crying like I was, you know, hoping to get some food, but I wasn't expecting to get this. Just a cheer, you know, like it, it just blew my mind that someone would arrange all of this to, to bring kindness to the world. I was crying and I just started asking people working there, and I said, who did this?
[00:23:58] Ganjana: I have to, I have to find them. I have to know who they are. The first person did, didn't know, and then the second person said, growing kindness, and I'm like, well, what's that? So I. I don't even remember how I found you, but I, I'm like, I, I am going to find you. Like I, right away I'm like, I have to know you.
[00:24:14] Ganjana: I have to thank you and I'm gonna join. I don't know how to grow plants, flowers. I'm, I didn't know it was about flowers because it was, you know, in the winter. I'm like, I'm gonna do this. I don't know how. I have no idea how. And I just like, okay, I'm gonna do this. The landowner said, you have this whole.
[00:24:37] Ganjana: Area, you could just grow stuff. He tried growing, you know, like vegetables. It didn't work. And I thought, well, he, it didn't work for him. How am I gonna do it? But I thought, no, I'm all about experimenting. I love experimenting and trying things, right? So, you know, Holly, who was a gardener for the city, she's like, well, let's, let's put a garden in.
[00:24:59] Ganjana: And I think he gifted, uh, some value tubers. And that was my first flower that I ever. Grew and uh, then I added onions and garlic and hundreds, a hundred garlics I planted that year and eggplant and all sorts of tomatoes. And it was so successful, like beginner's luck I guess. Then I said, oh, now what? I have all these flowers.
[00:25:29] Ganjana: Now what do I do? I have to, you know, the whole mission was to. Give cheer to others. And I'm like, who am I gonna give them to? I, I was like, I'm not brave enough to give anybody flowers. So cut some dahlias, put 'em in a bucket. So I went back to the food bank and I was apologizing. I said, I have a bucket of dahlias.
[00:25:52] Ganjana: I don't know how you, how I, I could share to, you know, it's not enough for everybody. They said, and by then it was masking every, everything, you know, so you had to drive in your car and they just put a box and then the woman said, no problem. Each box will get a Dalia. I'm like, oh, thank you. I, I was racking my brain on how am I going to share, you know, enough, and you said this is enough.
[00:26:20] Ganjana: So then I think I messaged you or something and I, and you said, you are enough. And this is. Enough, and you keep, you know, mentioning that, you know, it was enough. I'm like, okay, it's enough. It's enough. You know, I just like trying to,
[00:26:36] Deanna: I think we so often, um, keep ourselves from getting to share what we have and, and getting to make a difference in somebody else's life because somehow we feel like what we have to give has to be more.
[00:26:50] Deanna: When really, when we just give what we have, it's always more than enough, but it's hard to trust. That in ourselves sometimes. And I think, you know, especially when something is new, especially when something has been, you know, and it's come from a place where it's been a deep challenge in the past, it's, it's maybe even harder to do it, but you did it.
[00:27:12] Deanna: And one thing that I just think I keep hearing you say throughout your story, ganja and I, I, I, I'm sure those listening along with us are hearing this too, is that you kept going. You keep saying I discontinued. I just continued like you kept going.
[00:27:29] Ganjana: Yeah. My twin tells me that I keep going and keep growing and she keeps reminding me that that's what I do.
[00:27:39] Ganjana: And yes, it was very hard. It was more than hard, but I felt so much joy that like maybe this one flower would have the same impact that you're. Evergreen that I received, you know, changed my life, right? It really has changed my life. Maybe that one flower did something. Maybe even, it was just maybe okay, a few days of, you know, hey, somebody thought of me, you know, and I don't know.
[00:28:10] Ganjana: So then slowly my heart just kind of like incrementally filling, right? Then I thought, Hey, well I have vegetables, you know, so I. We're give gifting vegetables too, not just flowers. Then I just went back to like, what would my mom do? And one time I can't remember like, what was that song? We Are The World or something.
[00:28:37] Ganjana: So she bought two cassettes and I said, mom, why did you buy two cassettes? And she said, because I want you to give the second one to someone. I'm like, oh wow, okay. And we didn't have much a single mom with raising two kids, but I just kept thinking like, okay, I have flowers but I also have vegetables, so maybe I could share those too.
[00:29:03] Ganjana: And uh, so it's must a very slow, slow progressive feeling of my heart. I think one of those times I finally like. I heard a noise and I'm like, what is that? I heard the birds sing. I was so shut down and closed off. I never noticed the birds sing and I thought, wow, the world is really cool. You know, like I think what the starting a garden has changed me was that I had to first be kind to myself.
[00:29:40] Ganjana: I was never kind to myself. I was so critical. I was just like. Everything was mental anguish and everything was like wrong, and, but being in the garden, putting my hands in the soil, I had to be kind to myself before I can give to others. And then when I started being kind to myself, you know, I would like, I used to like wish that, okay, if I did something, people would thank me or something.
[00:30:07] Ganjana: I was looking for that, but then I'm like, no. I got that myself. Like, thank you. I, I did this. You know, and once I started doing that, it, it didn't matter anymore. Like, I, I was good. I was, you know, happy that I, you know, did either, you know, like it's all about thinking, like if you're kind in thinking thoughts and words, right.
[00:30:32] Ganjana: Ds right. Um,
[00:30:36] Speaker 3: uh,
[00:30:37] Ganjana: then. And be kind to yourself and be gentle and have grace. Like, okay, I'm gonna fail at this, but hey, I'm experimenting, so what if I fail? It doesn't have to work out. I'm just trying, you know, just keep trying. That's what I, uh, was taught by starting a garden from. You know, connecting with you.
[00:31:03] Deanna: Yeah. So growing a garden helped you learn self-compassion. Oh, compassion, yes. Totally. Through that compassion, you were able to begin reaching out in ways that you hadn't in your community and connecting with people in ways. That you hadn't before. I remember you shared with me once the way that it made you feel when you could walk into a room, whether that was a doctor's office, reception area, or anywhere else.
[00:31:30] Deanna: You, you shared with me how, how differently you felt when you were able to walk in. I felt great. Yeah. You shared that I, you would carry flowers and carrying flowers in changed the way that you felt you could. Engage with, with people and with different experiences.
[00:31:47] Ganjana: That was like my brave, would it be like a ticket to, you know, 'cause I wasn't brave at all to do anything, but if I had flowers in my hand, I'm gonna give, you know, to like the cancer center.
[00:32:02] Ganjana: Beautiful story was that I only had one bouquet, but the whole, you know, two hour ride to the cancer center, I was brave. And that, okay, this is going to be for someone, right? And I gave it to my, the friendly receptionist that I connected with. And, uh, I said, you know, where should I put these flowers on? I, I put it on where they check in so that when you walk in, you could see toward the end of the week, flowers were going out there.
[00:32:37] Ganjana: But this woman, after her appointment, she was crying. So the receptionist. Blacked out the best. Dahlia still, you know, not completely shriveled yet, and handed it to her and said, there's a kind woman that gifted this for everybody and I want you to have this. Well, she cried even more so, but she was ha hopefully happy tears that she received that flower and it was just one flower that was still, you know, not completely dead yet.
[00:33:11] Ganjana: In the bouquet,
[00:33:12] Deanna: and I bet you if we bumped into that woman and asked her today about a time that someone was kind to her, she would share about the experience of receiving that flower.
[00:33:21] Ganjana: Yeah. But I just was so proud of the receptionist for doing that.
[00:33:24] Deanna: Mm-hmm. I think when we experience kindness, that's our response is to to share that kindness.
[00:33:31] Deanna: And so she had the opportunity to experience kindness and you're giving to her, and then that inspired her to give to someone else in need. And I think that that's the really beautiful thing about stepping out bravely. Like as we're seeing in your story over and or over and, and being willing to try and to continue that we can trust that when we share just even a little bit of kindness, even if it's just a moment, even if it's just a word, even if it's just a single bloom that may not, you know, be on its best days any longer.
[00:34:07] Deanna: Even. Even that has the capacity to. Encourage someone and, and change their day or like you've said, or even change their life. Um, and the beautiful thing is, is we, we don't know how far those ripples keep going. We don't know if that woman maybe went out and shared a bloom with somebody else after that.
[00:34:32] Deanna: And, and it just, all it takes is one person being willing to be brave, as we've seen in your story to. To share. To share what they have and, and I love too, that you remind us so beautifully kina that. Our kindness and compassion isn't just for others. It has to be for ourselves too. When we speak to ourselves in the same way that we would speak to others, it changes us and then we can reach out and pour out from that and and share with others, and I think that's a beautiful reminder to us all today.
[00:35:04] Deanna: If you could speak directly to someone listening who is maybe feeling that feeling of be things being too hard, too big, feeling like maybe they feel like too small to be able to make a difference, what would you tell that person today?
[00:35:20] Ganjana: I felt too small. I felt all of those things through this hard thing that we didn't have an apartment to live anymore.
[00:35:28] Ganjana: I did not know that landing on a farm would just be whatever, but. I think connecting with nature, and I believe in harmony, so I strive to be in harmony. So if you go on a walk and you see a tree that you like, well maybe go say hi to the tree every day, or it doesn't have to be every day. Maybe hug the tree a little bit.
[00:35:58] Ganjana: I mean, I had no idea that I would meet my best friend across the chopping board. You know, like, so maybe go out and do something. It's too easy to like say, find your passion. I had no passion. I had none. I didn't know what my passion was. Like I said, I love experimenting, so I experimented cooking and I experimented in the garden.
[00:36:23] Ganjana: I experimented like. I found passion in making my own medicine, you know, botanical medicine, tinctures and stuff. Little by little that has just kind of held me and I had to give myself permission. If it didn't work out, I didn't get frustrated like, oh, I'm not gonna do that again. I just kept going and kept growing.
[00:36:49] Ganjana: I don't know if I have any advice for people. I can only say what. I did for myself. And, uh, garner has taught me to be observant of other people's needs. When I focused on observing, like, oh, I wonder what can I do for that person? You know, I don't have much, but what I do I like to share. And could I make their day a little bit better?
[00:37:17] Ganjana: You know, and I notice patterns a lot. So like, oh, I haven't seen them. For maybe a week or so, maybe I go check on him. You know, like, are you okay? Do you need anything? So by noticing something, instead of like focusing so much on my mental anguish or whatever that, you know, in the past that it was happening, I started noticing what other people who might need something or, and be mindful of, of that.
[00:37:49] Ganjana: Like, you know, I, that has, I think. Kept filling my bucket more. And, you know, knowing you through all these years like this, uh, metaphorically, like, you know, you would carry a bucket and watered me and watered me over time. It's just one bucket maybe in a while, and then you would dump another bucket to, you know, you were patient, you slowly just gave me water and gave me grace and space to be, and I think.
[00:38:23] Ganjana: That has nourished me so much then like the connections of the members of the Growing Kindness group, I have great connections with, you know, about, I don't know, four or five people. It's just a, um, amazing.
[00:38:39] Deanna: Mm-hmm. I think that there's a beautiful metaphor that the Garden teaches us to notice needs. And that helps us to look around the needs, around the needs of others.
[00:38:50] Deanna: And, and like you said, sometimes we just can pour out just a little bit at a time. And I think that's excellent advice for someone who may be feeling like, I don't even know where to begin. And, and we begin with, with noticing and then, and then taking small steps. However, however. Tiny, they may be, they're always enough to encourage another.
[00:39:13] Deanna: You came to gardening and growing your own garden later in life. Um, and I know from my experience with you, you've had several different sizes and styles of garden as your life situation has changed. What would you say to someone who's listening today and maybe has never grown a garden but maybe is inspired to begin?
[00:39:34] Ganjana: I think if you don't have a space to garden, then maybe, maybe a neighbor could give you like a little square of, puts a few flowers, or if vegetables are your thing, just do that. But if you don't know what to do, well then just try a houseplant try. One or two, you know things, and then you learn a lot by trying and experimenting.
[00:40:04] Deanna: What would you say has surprised you the most about this journey and the changes that has brought learning to grow a garden and give flowers as acts of kindness?
[00:40:18] Ganjana: I think what surprised me the most is that. I'm finding myself, I didn't, you know, think I would be alive. And this year is really a difficult year.
[00:40:30] Ganjana: My mom died at the age I'm now, and I've been ill for 14 months. So every day has just have to like, okay, you know, am I gonna live through another day? Am I gonna live through another day? And I said, okay, I'm just going to focus on today. And what surprised me through, well. Since the starting the gardening stuff was, I'm learning so much more about myself than, you know, all those years of therapy.
[00:41:00] Ganjana: They, I, I could teach those people some stuff. You know, they exploring different interests, some doing all these things and then I'm, that was, was most surprising was that I could be comfortable in myself and that I could connect with other people. And I wouldn't have had that. I think without the growing kindness project or starting, you know, a garden,
[00:41:25] Deanna: I'm so thankful that it's such a reminder to me, like who I, we wouldn't have known, you know, the group of team members who put those arrangements together for holiday, the holiday cheer, um, arrangements to the food bank.
[00:41:40] Deanna: Like we, some of us were able to be there and directly hand them out and did get to have conversations and see people, but you don't always know. How much one single act of kindness is going to change somebody and to your story. Goganna is such a reminder to us that even one thing that we do today, even if it may feel seemingly small to us, we don't know how great the impact could be on another.
[00:42:09] Deanna: And it, it's such a reminder. It reminds me and it calls me to action, that every day we have opportunity. To reach out to others in ways that could potentially change the course of another person's life just by just by a moment of kindness. Well, this has been an absolute honor to get to be with you today and get to hear your story through, through all the years, through all of the sorrow and challenges, to hear how you've continued and hear how growing and giving.
[00:42:43] Deanna: Has, has changed your life. I love what you just mentioned, that we don't know how even a a hello or a small, even the smallest act of kindness could, could brighten someone's day. Um, I, I love to end our conversation together with one question for you, and that is, what is a time that someone shared a small act of kindness with you that you still carry with you in your heart today?
[00:43:09] Ganjana: Well, I think one of the first. Act of kindness that I have received that I remember. So when we were moving to Thailand and you know, there was no like take a flight and then you have a two hour layover and then you go to the next flight. This was a complicated three day. Like you take a plane, we'd went to Amsterdam to be able to connect two days later to get to Thailand, and we went to Amsterdam and we.
[00:43:40] Ganjana: Mom said, well, let's take a boat. I, you know, have some fun. We have, uh, I think it was four hours before we had to connect at some point. Well, the boat broke down, so we were stuck. By the time we scrambled to the airport, the plane has had left. So I'm standing there in the airport crying. I'm never gonna see my dad again.
[00:44:04] Ganjana: I'm never gonna see my dad again. We didn't have enough money to get a hotel room. And this kind, he was a white-haired, old man. Older man, so I, and uh, he just kind of kneeled down and he said, what's wrong girl? And so mom explained that we don't have a hotel and now we have to wait two days. And he said, well, I have a room that you can stay in and I, I won't take pay.
[00:44:37] Ganjana: And I remember that. He didn't, you know, when you see some kid crying in the airport, you just walk away further, right? You don't come and see what, what you can do to help or is it something that is going on. So I, I remember him,
[00:44:54] Deanna: the power of noticing, the power of noticing and responding. Conna, thank you so much for sharing your heart, for sharing your story with us today.
[00:45:03] Deanna: It has been a privilege and an honor to get to spend this time with you.
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